Thursday, December 11, 2008

In Fear of "Fear"

13:Fear Is Real, the newest reality show not yet on the air sounds like psycho killer's porn. I mean, really. Let's get 13 people and see how many of them wet their pants in 60 minutes of airtime.

The premise is that each episode will be based on a different horror movie. So I guess if your dream was to be stuck in some horror movie, this should be right up your alley. Hey, maybe they'll do 30 Days of Night. (For those of you who haven't watched 30 Days of Night, it is, without question the most gruesome vampire movie I have ever watched. Make that, ever witnessed. It is a real blood bath, which takes place in a small Alaskan town during their annual month without sun, i.e., 30 Days of Night.) They can take these poor saps up to the Alaska or the Antarctic and chase them down like dogs. The ones with their jugular still intact at the end of the hour, get's the money! They don't even need a bunch of film crews. They can shoot it just like that big blood bath scene via helicopter. At the bottom of the screen they can have the face of the contestant with the color of their jacket. That way we can tell them part and won't have to guess on arterial splatter! Hey--maybe I should start writing for TV!

Seriously, one of the promo's has some poor gal in a coffin. Hope these people have great insurance waivers and more lawyers than contestants. But I guess with Survivor loosing its appeal, the freaks at reality TV had to come up with something new. So, all you freaks out there that haven't gotten up the courage to move beyond your neighbors cats and puppies, maybe this show will give you some fun ideas.

It's a brave new world out there.

"Life" is Hard for Ted

Episode 2011, Canyon Flowers

Ted, here is my lament to you old buddy.

Poor Ted. I mean, don't you just love him? He walks through Life bewildered, trying to find his way. In Season One he did little more than play with whores and pal around with Charlie. Sure, he manages all the money Charlie won against his wrongful imprisonment case, but still what kind of life is it?  Now in Season Two he's branching out on his own, teaching a college course. Of course, poor Ted is deeply in love with his best-friend's father's soon to be wife, Olivia.

Like I said. Things are never easy for Ted. But they get worse. Much worse.

We all know that Ted could never survive another stint in prison. You have to wonder how he and Charlie hooked up in the first place (no sex here, you freaks!). But you can imagine Ted getting the crap beaten out of him just because and Charlie putting an end to it, just because. Gosh, Cruise must have been busy in prison....

And now that SOB FBI agent has found a way to hit Charlie where it hurts: Ted. His one big soft spot. What really blows, aside from the blow on the back seat and the gun, sitting oh so pretty next to it, is what any time in custody will do to Ted. Didn't something like this happen last season as well?

Oh, and for any of you who might be interested, I am pretty sure my husband Tim was beyond annoyed with me by the time Life was over. Who can blame him? I kept yelling at the TV, "What about Ted?"

So, what about Ted? And thank the gods this wasn't the Season Finale or I'd be yelling "What about Ted?" for months!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Stylista, Get's a Second Chance

First off, I am NOT a Stylista. Give me a pair of comfortable jeans (don't care what brand), a t-shirt and a flannel. That makes me happy. Oh, and no shoes!

After the last episode where Danielle get's the boot, I sort of lost interest. She was all right, but the show in general was really all about how much can the rest of the cast bash Kate before she breaks. And, of course, my fashion knowledge is better than your fashion knowledge.

But I have been enjoying this show for the most part. Of course, it has taken me almost 5 episodes to tell Kate and Megan apart. Why is that? And now here we are at episode 7 and I have to say it, I like Kate and Megan can go back to her boutique and die of ennui for all I care.

And who doesn't like an show that has a dog pee in a hotel room after snarffing up a lasagna or two. And really, chocolate where the dogs could get it? Why not just leave out some rat poison and be done with it. But all that aside, Stylista is back on my record list.

The Devil might wear Prada, but DyShaun wears a ratty little knit cap on his head and thinks he is god's gift to the fashion world. And why does he keep picking on Kate? Johanna has as much fashion experience, she's a military analyst for heaven's sake! But if nothing else came out of this episode, Ashlie is a real star.

I just loved how the two bonded (Katye & Ashlie), now that there wasn't someone else in the mix. Maybe that was all they ever needed. A chance for just the two of them to work together. It ended their animosity and I think raised their respect for the other person. And I have to say I loved it when Kate told Anne what a wicked tramp DyShaun is. He might have some problems with her cleavage, but let's be honest here. His mouth would cause a lawsuit faster than speeding bullet.

I hope Kate's farewell is prophetic and that Ashlie wins it all. But either way, I don't see myself purchasing a copy of Elle anytime soon, or signing up for Season 2.

Need more Stylista?

Before Rap, Free Stylin' it on Life On Mars

"Life on Mars" may owe me a new pair of pants. The best episode so far, has got to be "Things to Do in New York When You Think You're Dead" (#105, original air date 11/06/08).

I mean what could possibly be better than Sam rapping "Ice, Ice Baby," while being tied up in the BLA (Black Liberation Army) headquarters while waiting to find out if they will put a bullet in his head or allow him to do his job. All I have to say, is thank the gods for DVR/Tivo's so I could rewind and play that over and over again until I made myself sick with laughing.

You have to love a show that doesn't take its self too serious.

And aside from the joy of almost wetting myself from laughing so hard, there is a good glimpse into what is really going on in Sam's 1973 life at the 125th. If you haven't taken a look at this series yet, catch up online first and then go for the plunge. It is a fun look back at '73 through the eyes of a 21st century man who grew up during that time, but probably didn't notice much of what was happening around him. Now he has a chance to see what he missed as a child and make to a difference.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Hitman Highjacks

Well, my husband Tim & I watched the movie Hitman last night. If you have ever watched it, then you must know that all the interesting scenes of his childhood are straight out of Dark Angel.

I didn't have a lot of hope for the movie, but we wanted a little bang-bang shoot-'em-up action movie with some good old fashion arterial spray. When the movie started and we saw the scenes straight out of Dark Angel, all of them staring "young Max" or "X5-452" I got excited and sat up a little straighter. Was "Hitman" going to be a movie about an off shoot of Manticore? Awesome! But sadly, no. Instead "Hitman" highjacked Dark Angel's backstory, stealing (all right I'm sure they purchased the footage legally, but still) from an A-class TV show that never got a chance to mature properly.

So there we sat for the rest of the night watching a movie that was little more than OK. It was a hell of a lot better than the psycho trailers they showed, but it never lived up to its potential. My lasting impression of the movie? What a cool tattoo the Russian whore had on her face. I thought the dragon was very sinuous and sexy. Maybe I'll have to start looking into getting something like that inked on my ass! The best part of "Hitman" was....hmmm. If I think of it, I'll let you know.


Tuesday, December 2, 2008

True Blood, Truly Delicious!

Well my husband and I sat down and watched the entire season over a few nights. We both had nightmares the second night, after two and a half hours of vampires and hoodoo. But what fun!

If you don't mind some fucking, and I mean fucking, not sex, True Blood is a fun, unusual story on vampires. Based on the Sookie Stackhouse books by Charlaine Harris , HBO does a great job bringing the story and characters to life.

My first reaction after the first two episodes, was that the director added a sex scene each time he wasn't sure what to do next. But by the end of the season, you can see he was just doing some "character development" for Jason Stackhouse, Sookie's brother. If you loved the books but have been afraid to watch the show for fear they ruined them, don't be afraid any longer. While I disagreed (at first) with the casting of Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman, I was soon won over. Even my husband commented on what a great job they did casting Eric. I think the real joy is Anna Paquin as Sookie. She seems so familiar, but hauntingly elusive. It wasn't until I realized she played rouge in "X-Men" that I could pinpoint where I had seen her before. And of course seeing Lois Smith from "Twister" (Tasty cow Aunt Mae!) as Sookie's grandmother was a real kick in the pants. When I first read the books I always pictured Vladimir Kulich from "13th Warrior" as Eric, so of course I was bummed to see someone else. But Skarsgard really carries it off and that is just some of the magic of True Blood.

Of course I could go on and on (and I will, a little). Stephen Moyer as Bill the Vampire, Ryan Kwanten as Sookie's brother Jason, Sam Trammell as Sam and Nelsan Ellis as Lafayette, all them are a real treat to watch. The casting was truly superb. Everyone brought their characters to life and you found yourself transported to the small town on Bon Temp in each show. The only thing I didn't like when some bozo had Sam say he could change when he had a live specimen as a model. That will really bite them in the ass if they make it to Season 10! Which I truly hope they do. Just can't wait for Season Two to come on.

True Blood is a great example of bringing a book to life. I wouldn't go as far as to say it is better than the book, but I will say it is as good as the book. And this is high praise in deed! Oh, and as for the fucking, just fast forward if you don't want to watch it, the rest of the episodes are worth a minor bit of porn.

Lock your doors, pour yourself something to drink. Turn down the lights and cuddle up with someone who enjoys a fang bang. True Blood is a bloody good time. I give Season One five out five bottles of True Blood!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Why is there a commercial in the middle of my show?

I don't mind commercials. They are a necessary evil when it comes to network shows. You just assume will be a series of commercial breaks. But what is it with the commercials during the television show? What gives?

My first assumption is that they are punishing those of us with VCRs, DVRs and Tivo. So we fast-forward through the commercials. I still see them (for the most part), I just don't have to listen to them whine. But now I get a double dose of commercials with every show I watch--all right, not every show, but enough of them.

First it was Eureka, and their Degree ads. The fake infomercial were funny, maybe a but cool, definitely entertaining-the first time. And I got the product placement, even though it was a little over the top. Never mind that having an infomercial for a top-secret government think tank town was absurd. Why advertise the town of Eureka if it is supposed to be a big secret, right? OK, we'll play along. The infomercial was cute. The Degree ad on the back of the coveralls is annoying, but not the end of the world. But an entire episode based on Degree antiperspirant? Give me a flippin' break already. It wasn't that good a show, the product placement wasn't smooth, not like someone picking up a can of Coke and showing the label. They didn't even try. It was awful and so far, that was the only episode that was based on a product. So far. Which brings us to Lipstick Jungle.

Why is Victory Ford doing a commercial behind the scenes of her big fashion show/open house? Come on people, I know the show is fiction, but how about a little realism? Nobody says, "Her eyes are popping. She needs some Maybelline." Nobody talks that way! As if the huge Maybelline banner on the back wall wasn't enough, you have to throw us that ridiculous line. Why not something like....

"Her eye makeup doesn't pop. Try that new Maybelline eye shadow Nikko got for the gift bags. That color will go great with the dress." Or her skin tone. Or whatever! And by the way, the woman was so dark I couldn't even see that she had any eye makeup on, or any makeup for that matter! What a huge dud! All I remember is that the line was preposterous in the extreme and I couldn't tell a difference from after the (insert name brand here) was applied! And to make matters worse, NBC in all their infinite wisdom (and utter lack of foresight) has decided to cancel the show. Of course this is only after moving it from Wednesdays to Friday nights. And let's face it, other than Ghost Whisperer, nothing survives there for long. Friday's are the last stop before getting the boot.

Well, that's all for now folks. Time to turn off the screen be it computer, TV or otherwise, put the dogs to bed and give the hubby a kiss.

...but before you go, my favorite "commercial", Eureka's A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.